Video | Rhy$.$trongfork

[smugreport]

[ Guess who! It's your favorite guy, Rhys on the network!

He sits in front of his commlinks camera with a book in his hands, cover currently obscured by its angle before he clears his throat and begins to read.]

Alright guys, get a load of this.

Ahem.

[ He adjusts the timber of his voice, making it more showy, as if addressing an audience (isn't he)]


I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

pause for effect...

...Then it dawned on me!

aaand pause for applause.

Not bad, right? This book is full of these. Okay next one.

[ Another exaggerated throat clear.]

What did they use to drink with?

...

Cups! Dixie Cups okay I don't get this one.

Comments

video | jimothy

[doppleman]

[ This is a look that can only be called "bad joke pity face." ]

Yeah, well, that's all fine and good, buddy, but—well just, just listen. I just learned something huge.

[smugreport]

[ Oh my god it's not like he wrote it! Give his delivery some credit at least.... ]

Like "I should be sitting down" huge or...?

[doppleman]

[ Tim's brow knits, momentarily calculating. ]

Yeah, maybe.

[ A beat. ]

It's about the morgue on this ship.

[ His gaze flicks to one side, as if vigilant. Paranoid. His voice lowers. ]

Here's the thing: no one who lives on the Peregrine gets kept there.

[ Grave: ]

And I know why.

[smugreport]

There’s a morgue on this ship?!

[ he has literally never considered what death could mean here (beyond “bad” and “should be avoided”) ]

[doppleman]

[ A tiny narrowing of Tim's eyes. ]

I mean, I dunno what they call it here, man! Dead people place! Point being, the people living on this ship?

[ Headshake. As if to say: Nope. Not them. Not here. ]

Turns out... there's a reason.

[smugreport]

But nobody here has died- wait is that where inmates go when they disappear? Not back into the either but onto a cold slab somewhere on this ship?

Where is it anyways?

[doppleman]

[ A muscle in Tim's jaw subtly twitches. Like he's trying not to clench. ]

...I dunno?? Dead's dead, so probably?? [ Beat. ] Not really the point, m'dude!

[ GOD, this is like edging or some shit???? ]

[smugreport]

How is that not the point? What’s the point supposed to be??

[doppleman]

[ Look. Fucking look here. One of the only—ONLY—good things about his gig was the positively atomic dad jokes.

Consequently, Tim's practically squirming by the time Rhys fails to bite for the third time(!!), tortured flush creeping up his neck in sharp contrast with his mask, and the noise that escapes his throat is initially very near to a frustrated whine. ]

RRRRRRGGH, never fu—no, cuz i-it's bec—ugh, you're the WORST.

[ The crack in his voice at the tail end of this outburst at least suggests, in the absence of real pique, mere butthurt—as he abruptly cuts his feed. ]

[smugreport]

[ wtf ]

video; l.morningstar

[dealwiththe]

[ oh good, puns!!! he's missed you, puns! ]

I got fired from the calendar factory just for taking a day off.

Rhy$.$trongfork

[smugreport]

Don't come in here cramping my style. I'm the one who won this pun book from fighting those freaky monsters, you can be pun guy next week.

audio.

[goty]

I've heard of all these. Tell me a new one.

Re: audio.

[smugreport]

Lucky for you, this books full of them.

[ He flips through a few pages before stopping ]

I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra.

[ He makes a loud snerk sound, because he is oh-so-mature ]

It was a booby-trap.

[goty]

[Groannnn.]

I've heard that one, too. Where're you getting these?

[smugreport]

Seriously?

[ He turns the book over to check the cover. ]

Uhhh some book called "No Pun Intended"

[goty]

Oh, heh. I used to have that book when... when I was younger.

[smugreport]

Huh. That's...weird. What are the odds one of those big bug things would drop loot from your planet?

[goty]

...Is page 16 dog-eared? 'Cause then the answer's a big ol' definitely.

[dealwiththe]

The problem with that logic is that I'm always the pun guy, and I've never needed a book for it.