un: jimothy

[doppleman]

[ This audio stream starts off very quietly but crescendos into the scuffling and faint mutterings that can only come from someone fiddling with an unfamiliar piece of technology. ]

—oddamn device always juuuust a little bit different, proprietary pieces of sh—oh, and how 'bout that, it's recording. Uhhhh, welp, okay, let's see, um.

[ All at once the video flicks on, revealing a masked face that is way too close to the camera. He lurches away as if he's seen a monster, shoots the commlink an irritated glare, and it goes dark once more. ]

Frickin'—heeeeelllllllllooo... uh, people. This is, heh, 's not really the entrance I was planning to make, but when life hands you skin, you make a pizza, amirite? That's. Never mind. Real quick question, is there any way to change the ID on this thing.

Hey know what, matter of fact, while I've got you, does anyone around here have experience reversing experimental and extremely invasive surgeries?

[ Soon as the question's out of his mouth, he's sounding progressively more defeated. ]

Could–could really do with a change.

Comments

audio | travistouchdowncrownlessking

[rank1]

Kiddo? I'm 34, dipshit.

[Then again, who knows, this guy could be pushing sixty under all that plastic surgery. Either way, Travis hardly sounds pressed.]

I don't have magic, but I've got wicked skill with a sword. If I had my katana, I could just fuckin' plane it down for you. Leave the surgeon with a blank slate. It'll be heat-sealed, too.

[doppleman]

Weird, samesies. All right, well, didn't know I was dealing with a master of the blade, so uh... gonna have to just settle for the wonders of modern medicine until they start passin' out weapons to the prisoners! I guess.

Unless they're already doing that? [ He's weirdly hopeful about this. ] I could really use to get my hands on a gun. Not for—you know, but just like, to hold.

[rank1]

Nah, no weapons to be found, unless you can make 'em yourself. All the wardens get shitty guns, though. Got shot with one once. Knocked me out like a light but didn't kill me.

[doppleman]

Make a weapon, huh. [ Is he really thinking about this? Maybe. Buuut— ] Made an IED out of a durian once. Didn't, ah... didn't go well.

But hey, okay, now we're getting somewhere, guns are harmless, that's good news?

[rank1]

Yeah, if you don't wanna get shot. Shit news if you want to get your hands on a gun. (Which I don't, for the listeners at home.)

Aren't durians the one that smell like shit?

[doppleman]

Yeah, it's like a morningstar made of farts. Would've worked out better if I hadnt had to use it on a gang of roving feral trash people. That's on me, I guess. [ tsk. ] Like god, just. S'like a square kilometer's worth of the sexiest baths you've ever seen and they didn't use any of them.

[ The stench in that place after seven years. ]

Anyway, between not getting shot and getting to shoot other people I'd still kinda prefer the former. Kinda. So. Guess that's cool. Nobody's that bloodthirsty around here—y'know, that I've met so far.