text | un: t.crawford

[sanctus_dei]

[So Theo's little journey came to an end on Sunday night when Bucky fished him out of the storage warehouse, and probably dragged him back by the scruff of his neck like an angry kitten. All wardens would have been alerted that Theo was found safe and sound, or some variety of that anyway.

He refused to talk to any warden about it, but that doesn't mean he won't address the inmates. Any wardens that respond might get ignored.]

--

I can't believe it took those dumb fucks that long to find me

Comments

[saklas]

you piece of shit. dude. we have to share those.

which shower

[sanctus_dei]

Wait, he wasn't being serious was he

[rank1]

What? It's the fucking shower, it cleans itself.

[saklas]

IF SHOWERS CLEANED THEMSELVES NOBODY WOULD SELL BLEACH IN SPRAY BOTTLES

SHOWERS NEED TO BE CLEANED BY PEOPLE AND WE ONLY HAVE VACUUM ROBOTS THAT DO THE FLOORS

[he assumes!]

[rank1]

Why am I getting yelled at over this? Go yell to a warden about the cleaning bot situation. That’s not my job.

[saklas]

Loved your fucking dissertation, Professor, but this will result in US CLEANING THEM, I guarantee it. Do you want to scrub toilets in hell.

Plus, I can't even get them to give us like, basic safety protections, what makes you think I can get them to give us sanitation?

[rank1]

What? Sanitation?? Have you seriously never cranked the hog in the shower, Volk? It's not a fucking Class A hazmat situation. You just toe that shit down the drain and it's good.

[saklas]

I don't come into a shower YOU have to use and do it, do I? I don't want to talk about this. Who is going to keep this place from getting black mold in six months because the grout isn't being touched?

[sanctus_dei]

motion to force Travis into using one particular stall so none of us have to go in after that bullshit

hee hoo just got an answer from mods

[saklas]

SECONDED

wait

jvolkhov | video

[It's footage of a cleaner bot just... cheerfully climbing a wall.]

Alright, well, fuck me I guess.

[rank1]

So we’re in the clear then, it’s free real estate.

wait you're mods. i forgot

[saklas]

Oh no.

[There's a wobble as Volk puts his face in the hand that's not holding the communicator.]

Travis...

[could you like, be a pal and like, like , maybe stop existing for a day or two so he can think of a way to devastate this argument]

lmaooo true but travis is inconsiderate and has never considered the cleaning either

[rank1]

Volk. Bro. Guys have needs. You know that, right? You ever get a break from the hellscape of your own brain and just unwind??

[saklas]

Someplace safe to sleep is a need. Shower masturbation isn't a need.

[The bot is still chugging along. It hits the corner where the wall meets the ceiling and just ... keeps going, fully upside-down.]

The ceiling!? Really??

You know what, sure, let's all live out the cliché. Who gives a fuck, just everybody rub themselves over every public surface, let's be like zoo animals or something.

[rank1]

And without porn or my girl, either! Pretty impressive, huh?

[He's not sure he's hit a ceiling shot in his life, but you know what? It's funny to think about.]

[saklas]

[He's just so mad that he went and based this whole argument on cleaning bots being like roombas and then it all got torn to pieces because these fuckers are some kind of enchanted wizard shit that can go sideways AND UPSIDE DOWN and now he either has to admit he was doing a motte-and-bailey fallacy on purpose because his actual objection was that this is gross or: live in pain forever.

Pain it is.]

I don't want to hear more about this. Unsubscribe.

[rank1]

No problem, nice chatting with you.

[rank1]

Sounds like you are, since you care so much.

[saklas]

scroll up, big discovery