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001 / VIDEO / Rhy$.$trongfork

[ Rhys is already an irritable guy, and of he isn't getting a good nights sleep and his basic creature comforts he's even quicker to be a snippy asshole. He must be at a breaking point or something, cause he's really Feeling It Mr. Krabs this week.

The video clicks on, camera focusing on Rhys's face, behind him the sleeping pods from the dorm that he hasn't been lucky enough to escape for the month. ]

So hey, I've been really, really patient with this whole situation. Waaaay more reasonable than anyone deserves, but I think it's about time I put this out there:

Lack of privacy? Of fresh air- real or simulated? Of access to the infirmary, gym, or spa if there even is one on this ship- It's an infringement on human rights.

That's right, I'm suing! And all of you should too. Who's with me?

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[Theo can hardly believe what he's hearing because, from what he can tell, this guy is being 100% serious.]

Suing? With what. With who. In what court.

I'd like to know how a spa is a human right.

Uh, with evidence? And lawyers? There's plenty of intergalactic courts that'll see this as an open and shut case.

Clear pores and relaxed muscles are a human right.

Huh. Guess I've been violating my own human rights by not doing anything about either of those.

( talk about a pampered lifestyle that someone would think these things though. )

Doesn't steam do the trick for pores? There'd be plenty of that if you run all the showers on hot. Maybe you could do a sauna night or something.

[He raises an eyebrow incredulously.]

Uh huh. How ya gonna contact them? On what planet? Where the fuck even are we?! Buddy, I'm not against getting back at these people, but suing them has to be the funniest shit I've heard since I got here. Seriously, suing them.

[Theo leans back in his bunk just marveling at this idea.]

Voluntarily denying yourself the right to a smooth complexion is your business, gatekeeping is the issue here.

That's....not the same. It's a whole package deal. You can't throw a couple petals into a bath and call it luxury.

If you don't even know if there is one, how is it gatekeeping? Maybe it'd be easier to just petition for one to be added? Those bots seem fairly capable.

( but note to self, check if there is one later, barnes. )

Also I thought that's what a spa was but since I've never gone before I guess I don't really know. What would you expect from a real spa?

Oh okay, how would you get back at them? Cause financially decimating an LLC is about the worst thing you can do to an organization.

[ As for the other stuff he's working on it! They'll touchdown at some point and then... ]

This is really an LLC?

[That's a genuine question. But he gives some thought to revenge for a moment.]

Hmm. Probably wait til they give me my powers back, then kill 'em and raise 'em as zombies just for shits and giggles. Then take one of those little ships and get the fuck out of here.

[Poor Theo. Has no idea that the Wardens have been instructed to never recommend him to get his powers back, ever.]

Do we have a lawyer on board?

Rhys, if you can get ahold of ANYONE from the outside and you say ANYTHING that isn't trying to give them our location so they can tell the fucking police I will put your bones in ALPHABETICAL ORDER so help me every single god.

We'd better not, because me talking to a lawyer is an actual human right and if I find out there's been one here and you've all just been sitting around spooning him I'm going to stop being so laid back and fucking pleasant.

Edited 2022-01-26 02:42 (UTC)

[Travis turns on his own video. The camera angle is practically him his own nose, not because he doesn't know how to take a selfie, but because this way he can angle it so that Rhys is in the shot. Yes, he's sprawled out in his own pod.

Like this isn't being broadcast directly to Rhys:]

He's a fucking prisoner and he wants a nicer prison. That's gotta be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

When in Rome.
But would you rather it be poorer conditions?

can't imagine they'd shoot themselves in the foot like that
inherently the inmates have very limited rights, after all

yeah it's THE point of contention but also the non-negotiable thing unless maybe all of us wardens go and ask the navarch for better provisioning
there's a whole program for this though so
seems to mean she answers to someone else too

[Travis adjusts the camera angle so it's dead on. Yes, he is wearing sunglasses indoors. Yes, the yellow lenses turn everything a sickly green under the blue pod lights. No, he doesn't care. He is Intense.]

I can handle whatever you assholes want to throw at me, so bring it.

Okay, calm down, Satan.
Duly noted.

Satan? The fuck?

If there is I'm looking to hire.

Hahaha you're like 5"4 dude.

That wasn't a challenge. You said it was dumb to want things better, so either you want it the same or you want it worse, and both of those are actually dumber than wanting it better.

Wh-

[ Rhys spins around, indignant. ]

Hey! Don't do that.

[He pulls the camera very very close to his face. Uncomfortably so.]

I've got other things on my mind than how the place I'm in against my fucking will stacks up against a Sandals resort.

The other ship had a spa.

[ It also had a (useless?) casino and a bowling ally but that's besides the point! ]

You know. Scented candles, relaxing music, hot towels, a masseuse or two. Basic things. Not a lot to ask things.

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