001; text; l.morningstar

[dealwiththe]

[ Probably after the sitch with Theo is resolved - late at night? Early in the morning? Who knows. Time is pretty meaningless to Lucifer. #relatable. ]

I think introductions are in order. My name is Lucifer Morningstar, and I'm a new warden here. For those that recognize my name, yes, I'm probably who you think I am, no, it's not a mistake, and no, I'm not here to kill, maim, torture or eat anyone's soul.

I don't think a soul would have much nutritional value.

Anyway, I'm glad to be here, and I'm used to getting lots of questions, so ask away.

warden filter

What would the over-under be on getting a piano in here do you suppose? Just curious. It's been ages since I've been able to play, and the minibar makes me nostalgic.

[ ooc: if you had a TDM thread with Lucifer, let me know if you'd like it to be game canon or not! I'm fine either way. ♥ ]

Comments

[dealwiththe]

I don't determine what's in anyone's Hell loop - it's all you.

And part of the point of being here is to avoid winding up there in the first place. If you make the choice.

[rank1]

[A personalized hell: Non-stop dubbed anime. Surrounded by cosplayers. Boring corporate environments. Vivaldi or some shit. Oh, that'd be twisted.]

Nah, I know what I'm about.

So when did you switch from tempting naked chicks and eternal torment to therapy?Or maybe that's redundant, maybe you get that all the time. Should I pick up a new installation of the Testament to cover this? When's the release date?

[dealwiththe]

My therapist was going to write a memoir about it, but scrapped the idea, I believe. Sorry.

[rank1]

YOUR therapist? This is insane.

[dealwiththe]

A little. But what's crazier: the idea that I spent several years in therapy, working through my issues, confronting the parts of myself I didn't like, learning to connect with others on an emotional level and developing fulfilling relationships? Or that I woke up one day and magically fixed myself?

[rank1]

The therapy, obviously. If you're Satan, you've got insane powers, right? You could do anything, and you wanted people to have agency so you FOUGHT GOD. You were a fucking dragon for a bit, and you and your rebels were thrown down to Earth? That story was metal, man.

And now you're in the 21st century and want to make everyone boring because some guy convinced YOU it was better that way? Jeez, I thought the love+tolerance God was a downgrade from the guy that decided to drown the whole world... I'm not liking where this trilogy is headed.

[dealwiththe]

Apart from all the inaccuracies in that story you just told, I do think it's interesting that your takeaway from my story is "cool powers bro".

But I will correct you on one point: my therapist is a woman, and because she's very good at her job, she would never tell me what to think or believe.

[rank1]

Hey, where are you? I've got some shit I want to say to your face.

[dealwiththe]

[ Oh, Travis. You definitely do not know what you're getting into here.

But!!! Part of the process is being available! If throwing a punch will make him feel better, might as well throw it at Lucifer. Since it won't hurt him. ]

I'm in the observation deck. You're welcome to join me.

[ And indeed, that is where he will be, classy suit and amazing hair, contemplating the vista outside the ship. ]

[rank1]

[Travis Touchdown is there in record time. He moves with pent-up energy, heading down the steps to the center two at a time. Today he is wearing a purple leather jacket over a lime green t-shirt that declares "LOVE TITS" with a picture of, obviously, tits in a bikini.

He shouts, surprisingly level:]

Hey! You're Lucifer, right?

[It's just them in the Observatory, so it's gotta be. That said, the Devil is hotter than expected.]

[dealwiththe]

[ He is very hot, thanks for noticing! He turns at the man's entrance, and apart from being hot, looks very mild-mannered, all things considered. He's got a friendly smile, and his hands are sort of loosely clasped behind his back. ]

I am! And you must be Mister Travis Touchdowncrownlessking.

[ (He's even got a posh British accent!)

A lot can be gleaned from the self-aggrandizing username. Lucifer figures it's even odds whether this guy will just yell at him or if he'll actually attempt violence. He's fully prepared for either outcome, though he doesn't look like he is. If he wants to get a shot in, Lucifer will let him - one. ]

[rank1]

Just Touchdown. I don't know what came over me when I picked that username.

[Anyhoo.

Travis gesticulates as he talks, still heading down the stairs.]

It's not totally about the powers, not really. I mean, they are pretty cool. But the big thing is the universe-altering rebellion against destiny. That shit is the foundation of any story where some lesser being goes up against something powerful –– his god, his master, his whole nation. He says "fuck you, I'm going to do what I want, because I'm free."

[He comes to a stop mere feet from Lucifer, and both hands fall to his sides, loose, empty, ready.]

Makes you think the Satanists are really on to something.

[dealwiththe]

[ Lucifer takes all of this in with a serious expression. Why? Because he values the opinions and perspectives of others! He's willing to meet Travis where he is! Look, this is all very big growth from where Lucifer used to be. ]

Have you considered that the very fact I was able to rebel at all negates the need for it? If there wasn't free will, surely I wouldn't have even considered a rebellion. It wouldn't have been possible.

And most Satanists I've seen are just as bad as their Christian counterparts, really. Just because they follow different rules doesn't make them more "free". But that's also a choice.

[rank1]

Sounds like an excuse. "Everyone's already free, so no one needs to do anything." Just lay on a couch and talk about how sad you are instead of accomplishing anything! Satan himself thinks people should change even though they're not the problem.

[Travis feels a low anger simmering in him, one that he's dutifully backburnered for two weeks in the name of escaping reality. But all the true stories behind the fiction are disappointing –– this one is no different.

His gaze is intense behind his aviators, focused.]

No wonder the world's such a shitty place. Even the Devil's lost his drive.

[dealwiththe]

Oh, I don't mean to imply I shouldn't have done it! Rebellion can be a good thing. After all, there's no point to free will if no one exercises it.

And if the world is so shitty, I should think that's on, well - you? All you humans, with all your free will? To make it shitty, or make it less shitty?

[ Lucifer raises his eyebrows at Travis. Is that a challenge? Maybe. ]

[rank1]

That's the problem. Who is going to make the world less shitty when all anyone does is stare at the ceiling, griping about how it's not enough for them? Who is there to fight when everyone with power just talks in platitudes, wants you to think about yourself? I'm so sick of it.

[He shifts on the spot, settling a hand on his belt.]

We just should get this over with and fight.

[dealwiththe]

[ That gets a laugh from Lucifer. ]

You're tired of people doing nothing, so the something you want to do is pick a pointless fight with me? What problem in the world does that solve?

[ Lucifer doesn't change his stance in the slightest. He's there, seemingly wide open. ]

[rank1]

Hey. I'm selfish, too.

[Walking away has always been a struggle.

Travis is quick. He may not be superhuman, or a god, but he is trained and bloodthirsty and he makes no apologies for it. No hesitations. He pulls the shiv from his pocket and in one fluid motion, slashes it across Lucifer's throat.

It shatters, of course.

But it feels good.]

[dealwiththe]

[ Lucifer remembers that kind of pointless, undirected anger quite well. He spent thousands of years stewing in it, and yeah, he remembers how good it could be to let some of it out in physical violence.

Which is why he lets Travis try to shiv him. Again - it does nothing to him, so it hardly matters. But, unlike Travis, Lucifer is superhuman (though not a god). He's had thousands of years to pick up skills, hone his reflexes. So when the shiv breaks, before Travis can react he will find his wrist caught in an iron grip. It's not painful - Lucifer won't harm Travis at all - but his grip is basically unbreakable, and any blows Travis manages to land won't affect him in the slightest. ]

I didn't realize I'd need the handcuffs so soon.

[ He does have them, though, and he's pulling them out to restrain the poor sod. ]

[rank1]

[There's no surprise in it breaking. In a fairer world, he thinks, he'd be covered in blood right now. That he's not drenched feels like a robbery. The fantasy of taking Lucifer's throat is the only satisfaction there is, his fingers still wound around the shattered "handle" of the makeshift shiv. He deserved blood, he thinks.

Travis resists for that reason alone, even if it's fruitless, even the most he can do is rumple Lucifer's fancy goddamn clothes. Anything to get the heartrate up.

He snaps, right in Lucifer's face, even as he thrashes in his grip:]

Fucking pussy!

[dealwiththe]

[ Travis may as well be a rather wriggly rag doll, for all the good it does him. Neither his struggles, nor his insults bother Lucifer in the slightest. He just pulls him over to the tiered seating and handcuffs him there, to free his hands up to pull out his CommLink. ]

You'll need to calm down, Mister Touchdown.

[rank1]

[Travis's chest is heaving from the effort by time he's shackled in place, but he keeps going, yanking himself against the cuffs like he'd happily break his own wrists before calm down.]

This is exactly what I mean, you know! You fucking therapist types –– real fucking inconvenient for you when someone wants more than just navel-gazing!

[dealwiththe]

Yes, those are the two options. Pointless navel-gazing, and pointless violence.

[ Lucifer submits his report, then tucks the CommLink back into his jacket before straightening his cuffs a bit. ]

I'll return in an hour.

[ He picks up the pieces of the shiv on his way out. ]

[rank1]

[Travis just gives a long, drawn-out moan of frustration, and a very loud:]

FUCK!