001; text; l.morningstar

[dealwiththe]

[ Probably after the sitch with Theo is resolved - late at night? Early in the morning? Who knows. Time is pretty meaningless to Lucifer. #relatable. ]

I think introductions are in order. My name is Lucifer Morningstar, and I'm a new warden here. For those that recognize my name, yes, I'm probably who you think I am, no, it's not a mistake, and no, I'm not here to kill, maim, torture or eat anyone's soul.

I don't think a soul would have much nutritional value.

Anyway, I'm glad to be here, and I'm used to getting lots of questions, so ask away.

warden filter

What would the over-under be on getting a piano in here do you suppose? Just curious. It's been ages since I've been able to play, and the minibar makes me nostalgic.

[ ooc: if you had a TDM thread with Lucifer, let me know if you'd like it to be game canon or not! I'm fine either way. ♥ ]

Comments

[dealwiththe]

I don’t claim to keep track of the various human religious doctrines, but I’ve heard many of the stories told about me over the centuries.

One interesting thing I’ve noticed is that all of them - even the ones that really go out of their way to paint me in the worst light possible - all of them start with a fall. All of them acknowledge that I wasn’t always bad. Even the Devil started as an angel. If I fell, what’s to stop me from un-falling?

[sanctus_dei]

I can't speak for angels, but humans sure as hell never change. they are the way they are, and that's it.

[dealwiththe]

We will have to agree to disagree. I’ve learned that angels and humans have quite a lot in common indeed, and one of those things is the capacity to change - for better or for worse.

[sanctus_dei]

you changed that much? you changed so much that YOU get to be a WARDEN? what a fucking joke this place is

[dealwiththe]

If you wish to treat it as a joke, I can't stop you. But there's another way to look at it. After all, if even the Devil himself can learn to be better, why can't anyone? Why can't you?

[sanctus_dei]

i don't have to. this ridiculous jail already treats us like children and gives us nothing to do and nothing to help us. it's the most infantilizing, insulting shit in the universe, and adding someone like you to the mix is dumping salt on an open fucking wound

[dealwiththe]

You're absolutely right. You've been brought here, unfairly and against your will. This is torture. Almost like Hell, perhaps? You're also right that I have more power than you do, here. I have the ability, at the very least, to give you more access and information than you could get on your own. I am, in fact, offering it to you. Not free of charge, of course - nothing comes without a price. In return, you'd have to have some conversations with me. You wouldn't have to say anything about yourself, if you didn't want to. You could just ask me questions. I'd tell you whatever you want to know - about myself, about the deal I made to come here, about what's in your file, whatever you like.

If you want to get out of here so badly, I wonder why you aren't taking me up on this offer? What do you have to lose, precisely? Or -

[ At this point, Lucifer switches the feed to video, so Theo can see his face. He looks human enough - quite handsome, magnetically so, even, but still just human. ]

Or is your Catholic upbringing giving you reservations about making a deal with the Devil?

[ He smiles faintly, and then - his eyes flash red, very briefly. ]

[sanctus_dei]

[The video feed clicks to life on Theo's end, much to his surprise. He's not got this whole communicator thing down yet; he's only just gotten the proper hang of texting. On this side of the screen is one wide-eyed kid, a gaunt face in sharp shadows from the light of the camera inside his dark pod.

He recovers fast though, and that fury from his texts is evident in his expression. But there's a bit of wavering in his voice he can't quite cover up.]

Wh-What the fuck is this, some kind of intimidation tactic? How in the flying fuck am I supposed to trust you! And what kind of deal is that? Talking?! Bullshit. What the fuck do you get out of something like that. You don't need to take my soul - I'm not giving you shit. If this place ain't Hell and I'm somehow not actually dead yet, I'm going there when I finally fucking die anyway! Not fucking soon enough, either!

[dealwiththe]

[ That gets Lucifer to sigh and roll his eyes - the momentary scary dude thing is gone just like that. ]

Catholics, honestly. You know, more of you send yourselves to Hell for completely spurious reasons than almost any other demographic?

Well, when you realize that you're better off having a warden who will actually advocate for you, my deal will still be on the table. Unless someone else takes me up on it, first.

[sanctus_dei]

[There's a momentary flash of emotions on Theo's face, as he processes all of this. Really, all he wants is someone to step up for him, but he's not even close to being in a place where he'll admit that yet.

So, it's time to yell some more.]

Who cares! I don't want a Warden anyway. Even when they force me into having one, I'm not gonna give a shit. I'm not playing these games. I'm burning this place down and I don't care who goes up with it.

[dealwiththe]

[ Lucifer takes all this in with equanimity. It reminds him a lot of himself, actually, so there’s that. Especially the assertion that he doesn’t need anyone, and he’ll burn the whole place down rather than cooperate, even if it means his own self-destruction.

He was angry like that, once. Even tried the burning thing. ]

I’m afraid you won’t be allowed to do that.

[ He says that with a certain amount of sympathy. But also with firmness. He’ll probably have to report this one, for making threats, if only so the other wardens are aware. ]

[sanctus_dei]

[How does one little human hold so much anger?]

I'm not asking for your fucking permission.

[And with that, he snaps the camera off.]

[saklas]

this is hard to watch because i know you don't think you're bad at it?

[dealwiththe]

The deal is a bit one-sided, isn't it? [ The scary dude thing is gone - Lucifer's just a handsome dude again. ] You'd easily be able to manipulate this deal for your own ends, yadda yadda. You could take me up on it, and try it, if you like.

[ There's no sinister posturing, nothing. Just a guy, making a suggestion. ]

[saklas]

I'm going to tell you what I've told my neglected houseplants many times

You're coming off as too thirsty.

[dealwiththe]

[ He's testing the waters, is what he's doing. Seeing what sorts of reactions he gets, from taking different angles. Getting a feel for the inmates here.

He's already gotten a feel for Volk, however. ]

Here I thought you were done talking to me, since I clearly don't care. Do I not care, or do I care too much? Or are you simply arguing for the sake of argument?

[ Almost certainly the latter. ]

[saklas]

Do you want to do this? Alright.

Straw-man fallacy, and a loaded question. I can't answer any of what you said without validating the premise, which isn't valid. Earlier, I specifically accused you of not caring about the question you asked, not not caring in general. Just now, I didn't say you cared too much, I implied you were being too single-minded, and that it was off-putting.

I didn't decide we were done last time, you did. I like to do things that I'm good at.

[dealwiththe]

[ There was a time when Lucifer would’ve absolutely taken any opportunity to get a dig at someone like Volk. Arguers and pedants - traditionally some of his favorite people to make fun of. The more words they use, the more chances for him to twist those words into an insult, or just a stupid pun that would make bystanders laugh and no longer take any of the arguments seriously.

He still might do that from time to time, but he’s got more thoughtfulness now. He took on a responsibility to the inmates here, and he’s absorbed a lot of insights from all those years of therapy.

So he’s in therapist mode, making a mental note in the mental file he’s started for Volk: likes to argue - need to exercise control?

His face remains remarkably impassive through all this. ]

I appreciate the response.

[ That’s it. Volk is going to have to find someone else to fulfill that desire. In essence: not today Satan. ]

[saklas]

We're all frogs to dissect to you, right? We're all projects to pick up, so fixing us can be an extension of your ego.

No one wants your help. Not one person has responded positively to your approach, because you haven't made any attempt to actually listen to fucking anybody. I literally told you want I want out of a warden and you got fucking chickenshit. You're just trying to tell everybody who you are, wait for them to be impressed, and then trick them into letting you help. Because you're so much smarter than we are.

Every time I land a punch you fucking run. Is a weirdo in guyliner too tough for mister demon armies? Did I hurt your 𝒹𝒶𝓇𝓀 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈?