004; video; l.morningstar

[dealwiththe]

[ Hey look, it's Lucifer on ~video~ today. He's looking and sounding as earnest as anything - there's no way to misconstrue what he's doing here as anything other than completely in good faith. It's not a joke, not a troll, not snide or cynical. ]

I know from long experience that ignoring and bottling up the painful things that happen isn't good for anyone. I'm available to talk to, if anyone needs it. If not me, then I hope you'll talk to someone.

I'm not just talking about inmates, either.

[ He says all this, knowing the kinds of responses (or lack of responses) he's likely to get. He thinks it's important to make the offer, regardless. ]

Comments

[dealwiththe]

And I'm sure you have plenty of personal experience of that, do you?

I do. Five years of therapy, and I'm not a nervous wreck, and I look plenty of people in the eyes.

[rank1]

I’ve met people. They’re obsessed with being victims, but because some guys liked therapy, they convince everyone else it’s good for them too. Plus there’s some character in having survived messed up shit, you know? It makes for colorful people. Why would anyone wanna scrub that away?

[dealwiththe]

There is no scrubbing away of anything. All the things I did, all the things that happened to me - still there. I survived them. But survival isn't the same as living.

[rank1]

Nah, man, but it does scrub something away. An edge, a bite. I did some of the most interesting shit in my life while totally fucked in the head. Why would I trade that for life if life’s just the same thing day in and day out?

[dealwiththe]

You think you're only capable of doing "interesting shit" whilst horribly traumatized?

[rank1]

Hey, I said “fucked in the head”, not “horribly traumatized.” It’s different.

[dealwiththe]

Oh, sorry, my bad. Of course. Very different things.

[rank1]

Thank you.

And the answer is yes. What the hell would I do that tops it, huh?

[dealwiththe]

What did you do that was so interesting? Assassinations?

[rank1]

Yeah. The good and the bad. Killings, fights, revenge, love, destruction, all of it.

[dealwiththe]

None of that stuff is any more or less interesting when done by a well-adjusted person, Travis.

[ Okay hopefully a more well-adjusted person would not kill, but other than that. ]

[rank1]

I’m itching to hear about a well-adjusted killing. Being some jarhead? Cop with a jumpy trigger finger? That shit ain’t interesting, it’s just sad. There’s no feeling there.

[dealwiththe]

There's usually plenty of feeling when someone kills. But that doesn't make it interesting.

I'm curious how and why you decided it was?

[rank1]

I’d tell you, but it ain’t a conservation for the network.

[dealwiththe]

I prefer in-person conversations, anyway. Name a time and place.

[rank1]

Observatory, whenever you want.

[dealwiththe]

In fifteen minutes, then.

[ Hey maybe this observatory conversation will be more productive than their first one. One can always hope. ]

[rank1]

[Travis shows, as promised, carrying himself with his usual cool posture, relaxed and confident. His expression is as neutral as he can manage, but there’s always something boiling under the surface.

He announces, flippant:]

My parents were killed in front of me. After that, you want death to be worth everyone’s while.

[dealwiththe]

[ In Lucifer's experience, nearly everyone goes through something terrible and tragic in their lives. Something that affects them profoundly, for better or worse. Himself, included.

So Travis's abrupt statement, while being abrupt, isn't particularly surprising to an immortal being who's seen the worst humanity has to offer for thousands of years. That doesn't leave him unsympathetic - of course, it also doesn't justify becoming a serial killer. ]

I'm sorry about your parents. Senseless killing is a terrible thing.

[ He thinks about Chloe, who dealt with her father's death in precisely the opposite way - by trying to alleviate suffering, rather than causing more of it. He tilts his head in consideration of Travis. ]

What sort of people were they, your parents?

[rank1]

[Travis shrugs, and it's not quite the easy gesture he'd usually give. He strolls right past Lucifer, up to the window. He knows he's being transparent, evasive. It bugs him. On the other hand, dancing around direct questions is lame as shit.]

Mom was great. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. She was the kind of woman who'd apologize to a table if she bumped into it. You ever met a woman like that?

[dealwiththe]

Yes, I have.

[ The thing with Lucifer is that - you get what you give. Honesty. Transparency. ]

The kindest people can be the most vulnerable to harm, in my experience.

[rank1]

Yeah. It's a real fucking bummer, huh?

[He jams his thumbs in his pockets, turns a decade-old question over in his head: did she deserve it? Still doesn't have an answer.

He glances sidelong at Lucifer.]

Her death didn't mean shit. All anyone's gonna remember her for is that she died a victim. That's the whole sum of her life.

[dealwiththe]

You don't have to remember her for that, though. You clearly don't, in fact.

[ Travis just told him a bunch of very nice things about her, including the fact that she was his mother. ]

[rank1]

No, I do. Because any time I think of her, I think about how pointless her death was. Everyone else's stories mattered more than hers, in the end.

[That feels genuinely easy to say.]

I think therapy just teaches people to be happy with that kind of stuff.

[dealwiththe]

In what way do other people matter more than her? What's your - I don't know, what's your means of determining who matters?

[ Because it seems to Lucifer that Travis's mother probably mattered very much - to Travis. ]