001; text; l.morningstar

[dealwiththe]

[ Probably after the sitch with Theo is resolved - late at night? Early in the morning? Who knows. Time is pretty meaningless to Lucifer. #relatable. ]

I think introductions are in order. My name is Lucifer Morningstar, and I'm a new warden here. For those that recognize my name, yes, I'm probably who you think I am, no, it's not a mistake, and no, I'm not here to kill, maim, torture or eat anyone's soul.

I don't think a soul would have much nutritional value.

Anyway, I'm glad to be here, and I'm used to getting lots of questions, so ask away.

warden filter

What would the over-under be on getting a piano in here do you suppose? Just curious. It's been ages since I've been able to play, and the minibar makes me nostalgic.

[ ooc: if you had a TDM thread with Lucifer, let me know if you'd like it to be game canon or not! I'm fine either way. ♥ ]

Comments

Rhy$.$trongfork CCing everyone

[smugreport]

Why's everyone acting like they know this guy? Is he intergalactically famous or something?

[ Is he that out of touch? No... ]

[dealwiththe]

Something like that. I'm not known in every world, but several of them.

[smugreport]

I lived in a pretty finger on the pulse section of the galaxies, so you're either a small deal and it's a weird coincidence that the people here know you or. I don't know. You're like, really old? Trending wise, I mean.

[dealwiththe]

The multiverse is a very big place.

[smugreport]

You typo'd universe and yeah I know but like, how big is it if all these people know you? Why do they know you?

[dealwiththe]

That wasn't a typo. There are, in fact, infinite universes, all running in parallel to each other. Some of them are very similar to each other, with only minor differences. Some are quite different indeed.

In fact to say we're in "outer space" right now is only partly true. We're also hopping between universes as much as traveling from planet to planet.

[ Today in: Lucifer Teaches Multiverse Theory! ]

As to why there are a number of people here familiar with me, I can't say for certain, but I think it does make some logical sense that Navarch would want to pull people from groups of similar universes, so there's at least *some* possibility of being able to relate to and understand each other.

[smugreport]

[ Rhys takes a bit to respond because what this guys saying sounds legit insane. Like, okay, the time compression stuff is impressive but not totally out of the realm of possibility. But "multi-verse?" That's fiction, like magic or ghosts (which he totally does not believe in....) ]

Wow they are really just letting anyone become a warden huh? [ except him, apparently!! ] Just straight up coo coo banana delusional people.

[dealwiththe]

I wish I could say I'm surprised that there are people who are literally on an interdimensional space prison, living among humans with magic, and non-human beings as well, who still don't believe in a basic truth like the multiverse.

But I'm not. One thing that seems universally constant is the ability of some people to avoid and deny anything that challenges their world view.

[smugreport]

Wrong again new guy, I don't believe any of those things.

If interdimensional tech was real, Hyperion would have been all over it before anyone else.

[ Not even gonna bother to address the other stuff. ]

[dealwiththe]

[ Another one who seems to be mired in deep, deep denial. Hoo boy. ]

I see. So what do you believe?

[smugreport]

[ He's not in denial he's just, y'know, normal. ]

That we're captives in the far reaches of space, being held ransom or some other kind of capitalist gain? Ask @ jvolkhov he's got way more energy to fight you about it, it's practically all he does!

Oh except the space part, but that's cause he comes from some backwater end of the universe.

[dealwiththe]

[ Yes, totally normal denial. ]

The only thing I can say right now is that I wish you luck. You're in for quite a time.

1/3

[saklas]

IS THERE A DEAD BODY FOR ME TO SEE OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE ONE MYSELF RHYS

2/3

[saklas]

STOP USING THE PINGS

we aren't in fucking space that's asinine

[ok one sec he's scrolling. UGH]

3/3

[saklas]

Also, I'm not a fucking theoretical physicist, but I think this isn't how multiverse theory works in real life and instead is how it works in Batman? Every time I say things like this, nobody cares and they just keep verbally hefting turds around anyway. Talking shit. Really getting in their fucking reps. Batman wasn't a documentary, space travel is wildly impractical, everyone in this conversation is an asshole, stop waking me up for this

[smugreport]

Cool. I'm done with this conversation so I'm gonna let you guys figure this out.

@ jvolkhov @ l.morningstar

not here

[dealwiththe]

[ Yeeeaaaaaah Lucifer has already long since Logged Off For the Night. Volk's gonna have to scream into the void. How do you turn off push notifs on this thing????

But he sees what you did there. ]

[saklas]

I am not your employee. You're incompetent. Go fuck a cat.

[smugreport]

[ has put communicator on silent mode :) ]

[saklas]

Nobody smart enough to fix your mistakes would ever work for you. They can do better.

[smugreport]

1. I'm a great boss. Maybe the best boss? At least a contender for the spot.

2. Anyone will do anything for the right price.

3. I'm asleep stop texting me.

[saklas]

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were done already. Did getting the last word make you feel better?

You're panicky, closed-minded, unimaginative, transparent and clumsy when you're trying to be slick, and childish. I can't imagine that giving you more resources fixes any of that, but the worst part is that you're not honest with yourself about it, so you will never, ever overcome any of it.

Whatever it is you're trying to fake before you make it - and, let's be clear, I don't really care what it is - you will never get there, honey. You'll never be different.

text | jvolkhov

[saklas]

[No. It's the children who are wrong.]

who forgot to turn off @ everyone for rhys

[smugreport]

It was on purpose, I want the up-n-up. The deelio. Why do you all know this guy?

[saklas]

my office rule is that if you ping everyone thats online id better get to see a dead body

i dont know who he is im going back to sleep