001; text; l.morningstar

[dealwiththe]

[ Probably after the sitch with Theo is resolved - late at night? Early in the morning? Who knows. Time is pretty meaningless to Lucifer. #relatable. ]

I think introductions are in order. My name is Lucifer Morningstar, and I'm a new warden here. For those that recognize my name, yes, I'm probably who you think I am, no, it's not a mistake, and no, I'm not here to kill, maim, torture or eat anyone's soul.

I don't think a soul would have much nutritional value.

Anyway, I'm glad to be here, and I'm used to getting lots of questions, so ask away.

warden filter

What would the over-under be on getting a piano in here do you suppose? Just curious. It's been ages since I've been able to play, and the minibar makes me nostalgic.

[ ooc: if you had a TDM thread with Lucifer, let me know if you'd like it to be game canon or not! I'm fine either way. ♥ ]

Comments

2/2

[rank1]

Wait. Warden? Didn’t see THAT coming.

[dealwiththe]

Yes it seems counterintuitive, hence why I’m taking questions. And no, I didn’t get pulled, kidnapped or otherwise brought here against my will. I was invited.

[rank1]

That’s fucking crazy.

So what’s the story? Is the bible true? What have you been up to since? It’s the 21st century now.

[dealwiththe]

Yes, I’m aware of what century it is. And currently, I’m taking a sabbatical as Hell’s therapist to be here.

[rank1]

Dude, the mental image of therapy in Hell is fucking hilarious. Are your patients the guys who like being there? Do you have a big couch like other therapists, but on fire, or made of brimstone?

[saklas]

1. you've only seen therapy in movies, haven't you

2. why are we all unironically indulging this

[rank1]

Yeah. Always seemed boring, too, just laying there and talking. If I had to get therapy, I'd want the kind where they strap you down with electrodes and light you up like a Christmas tree.

And fuck you, I want to know what Satan does for therapy.

[saklas]

I think we have a spot to accommodate that for you.

[rank1]

Shit, really? Where?

[saklas]

[20 minutes of nothing. Volk walked off to get a handle on his temper.]

It's not funny.

[rank1]

Are you kidding me? It’s hilarious. At this very minute I could fight a Lucifer Morningstar cosplayer [(derogatory)] but he’s a therapist AND a warden.

[saklas]

[Nah. He can't do it. There's not a productive conversation to be had about ECT or any of that crap. It's pointless.

No response.]

[dealwiththe]

I'd much prefer you ironically indulge me.

[saklas]

No. Grow up.

[dealwiththe]

[ NTS: can't handle even the mildest joke. Ironically, the amount of growing up he's done means that he isn't going to antagonize this person further - he's clearly an inmate and that's not what Lucifer is here to do. ]

I think everyone can stand to do a bit of growing up, now and again. That's what you're here to do, anyway. But you don't believe that, do you?

[saklas]

Who decides whether or not I'm a grown up, huh? You? What does that look like? Confidence? Telling people you could hurt them but won't? Expensive clothes?

[dealwiththe]

I'd much rather hear what you think - who do you think should decide, and what do you think it should look like?

[saklas]

I should decide, and it should look like whatever the hell I want, because its my life.

But, see, that's not how this place works. Your choices are right and mine aren't. Maybe I should start telling people how much everyone hates me, too.

[dealwiththe]

Trust me, no one likes being in Hell, despite the fact that they all send themselves there.

And my couch is a normal couch. Contrary to what it might seem like sometimes, therapy isn't actually torture.

[rank1]

It's 100% torture for a guy like me. So when I get to Hell, make sure you have me breaking rocks or writhing in the fire or something.

[A pause.]

Wow, maybe I shouldn't be giving you ideas. It really would be the perfect torture for me.

[dealwiththe]

I don't determine what's in anyone's Hell loop - it's all you.

And part of the point of being here is to avoid winding up there in the first place. If you make the choice.

[rank1]

[A personalized hell: Non-stop dubbed anime. Surrounded by cosplayers. Boring corporate environments. Vivaldi or some shit. Oh, that'd be twisted.]

Nah, I know what I'm about.

So when did you switch from tempting naked chicks and eternal torment to therapy?Or maybe that's redundant, maybe you get that all the time. Should I pick up a new installation of the Testament to cover this? When's the release date?

[dealwiththe]

My therapist was going to write a memoir about it, but scrapped the idea, I believe. Sorry.

[rank1]

YOUR therapist? This is insane.

[dealwiththe]

A little. But what's crazier: the idea that I spent several years in therapy, working through my issues, confronting the parts of myself I didn't like, learning to connect with others on an emotional level and developing fulfilling relationships? Or that I woke up one day and magically fixed myself?